0 adventure

my darling sister gave me an adventure box before she left for mexico for the year filled with good literature, a coin jar, a journal, gum, and maps of places around indiana to explore (doughnut shops, flea markets......all of the treasured gems the midwest offers to delight in).

i have been thinking lately about adventure and the importance of creating adventure and actively seeking connections, looking for beauty in the small places the midwest offers. i don't want to spend hours completing meaningless tasks that don't matter in the long run, or focusing only on creating a stellar resume, only to realize one day i had a good resume but i never lived life or sought the heart of God. it is a delicate balance between worshiping God through work and worshiping God through experiencing adventures and forming relationships with his children. i want to pursue this in a way that is wise and lovely, bringing delight to God through the way i live my life.

i want to work hard, but at the end of the day come home to my family and friends and rest in God's creation, enjoying what he has blessed me with. i want my life to be God focused--knowing and pursuing him, living in His creation, working for his glory, and trusting in his powerful strength with my whole heart.

darlings, let's seek adventure and find God in the simplicity of change jars, flea markets, and the beautiful people God has placed in our lives. 

0 tick tock

time has always fascinated me.  it moves so slowly, yet we still struggle to hold onto the past as if years pass in the span of one single instant. we spend our whole lives trying to understand time, beat time, and master the art of avoiding time.  yet, somehow every time we think we have it figured out it evades us, and we realize we spent so much time dwelling on the past or the future that we missed out on the present.

i have been struggling lately to accept the fact that i cannot live in the past nor can i solely focus on the future. and 'struggling' is putting it lightly. let's be honest, right now i am waging world war three with time, and time is winning, seeing as time can't stop and won't stop.

i miss people that are no longer living in the present, but were part of chapters of life in the past. i also dwell on obsessing over all the tiny seemingly insignificant details in my future that i am unsure of.  in the meantime i am missing out on all the fun, weird, and unique experience that the present has to offer me.

lately, i have been challenged to live in my present and take life one day at a time, appreciating what my present has to offer me. my heart still aches when i think about the the people and places i miss from my past, but focusing solely on these moments prevents me from falling in love with new experiences.

via: http://livebyquotes.com/2012/heres-to-all-the-places-we-went-john-green/

0 beauty amidst the cornfields

in the world we live in it seems like most people live with a false sense of self. we either think we are too much, not enough, or find ourselves consumed with the fact that we don't look like the Photoshopped models in magazines that assault us and impress upon us an ideal standard of beauty. who says that is what beauty is anyways? a magazine? celebrities that have access to chemicals and treatments that distort and transform their physical body, altering the way they were uniquely created?

in the past i worried about my appearance constantly, thinking if i could just look a particular way then everything would be perfect. i would have achieved the status of being a 'good woman' and the world would love me more. but lately i have been learning that frankly is not true. not at all.

i don't look like women in magazines. but i do look like arianne. and i am thankful for that. our imperfections, our quirks make us unique. these intricate details were instilled in us as God formed us each into an artistic creation. 

i have begun looking at my body. my whole body. my physical body. i am beginning to learn that i am a whole being. i am not defined by my stomach or my thighs. i want to delight in the beauty of each part of my body and my body as a whole, instead of feeling shame over individual parts that may not seem ideal.

i want to be loved for me. for arianne. who i am, not a person that i am trying to imitate. i want to be loved in a way that is whole and beautiful, being loved and appreciated for what i have to offer not accepted on the condition that i alter my body to be 'perfect' by some warped ideal.

laughter is beautiful. wrinkles and the wisdom that comes with age are beautiful. laugh lines and scars that illustrate part of someone's story and journey are beautiful. the way our bodies gracefully transition into old age after we have spent a lifetime maturing is beautiful. the way a child allows their hair to carelessly fly every which way as they look at the world with carefree wonder is beautiful. you are all beautiful: stretch marks, thighs, stomachs, too much here, not enough there, your nose, your skin, your hair. all of you. you are you and that is beautiful.

i am loved. i am significant. i am Christ's beloved and He is mine. and so are you, dear ones.

what do i find beautiful? joy and authenticity. to me, that is beauty.

0 new adventures

first of all, i apologize for neglecting to blog all summer. this summer was relaxing and provided me with a sense of peace, comfort, and the knowledge that i was exactly where i belonged.  however, while this was marvelous and much needed, blogging didn't really fit into my relaxing summer soaking up the natural beauty and creative fun small town indiana has to offer.  a computer screen didn't really appeal to me when i had the choice of watching the stars from my roof or taking walks as the sun set over corn fields. sorry, not sorry.

while this summer was lovely and filled with frozen yogurt, trips to the zoo, coffee dates, kittens, and laughter, it inevitably came to an end. this new chapter of junior year held long bike trips, a new position as the PA of my wing, and more strenuous classes. terrifying. absolutely terrifying.

i entered this semester expecting perfection from myself: expecting to be a perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect friend, perfect girlfriend, perfect PA, and perfect student. i know, pretty ambitious. you would think i was super woman or something. i felt an insufferable amount of pressure that i alone had placed upon myself.  i quickly became overwhelmed and consumed by the scheduling and planning, instead of seeing this new semester as what it really is: an adventure.

sure this adventure has more stress and pressure than the adventures of my summer, but that doesn't discredit its potential. i want to expectantly look forward to this semester, both its difficulties and its adventures, appreciating life as it unfolds instead of missing out by rushing through it.

summer no longer would have been an adventure if it would have stretched on forever. it would have been relaxing and comfortable for a while but eventually it would have become predictable. life is much more meaningful when it is unexpected and forcing us to stretch and grow in new ways, even when that isn't always fun or easy.

life is made up of little moments, and this year i would like to learn to see my semester with new eyes, searching for the little moments that make life so meaningful and authentically beautiful.

peace and blessings, dear ones.

0 trading mountains for cornfields

i hate goodbyes. i have had to say a lot of goodbyes the twenty years i have been alive and every time i am always reduced to a weeping mass on the floor, while my friends hold me like a small child in the fetal position. i was a wreck when i left for thanksgiving break because i knew it was a small taste of what this spring semester would be like. i know, it seems a little ridiculous to be so upset merely anticipating a goodbye that is months away, but i couldn't help it. overactive tear ducts have always accompanied my goodbyes.

moral of the story: i have an abnormal animosity towards goodbye. they crush me.

coming on this trip i was terrified if i left home that i would be alone, fearing that i would not connect with anyone here or that the people i had grown close to in upland would forget and replace me. people continually told me this wouldn't be the case, but i didn't believe them. they were right (of course).

i ended up finding family and feeling more at home here in greystones than i have in a long time. previously it has always been easier for me to push people away to avoid getting hurt or to avoid goodbyes, but this trip has taught me how beautiful opening myself up can be.

my time in ireland has been refreshing and healing, teaching me how to accept myself as God's beloved creation and also viewing others in this light.

C.S. Lewis said:

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.  If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal.  Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements.  Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.  But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.  To love is to be vulnerable.

being vulnerable is difficult and sometimes even painful. but opening myself up to the people here (and back home) has been the most rewarding experience.

i will be leaving my home here in ireland in a few days and i will leave a piece of my heart here, but this chapter of my life will remain alive in my memories and the friendships that have forever altered me.

now it is time for me to go back to the cornfields and start a new chapter. this next chapter will look different than ireland did, but it will still be beautiful and full of new adventures.  it will be different, but it needs to be.

i am going to miss you, ireland, but it is time for me to come home.

S.O.T. forever and always

0 dear ones

13 days. i have 13 days left in this magical fairytale world filled with the greenest greens and the bluest blues. it feels like i only just arrived here, yet at the same time it feels like i have lived here my whole life. weird how time can feel so contradictory, isn't it?

i have been stretched and consequentially have grown and learned more about life, friends, family, love, myself, and a different culture in the span of three months than i thought possible.  it is time for this chapter to come to an end and for a new one to begin, and while i am excited to be re-united with all of you beloved gems back in the americas, a large part of my heart will stay here in ireland. i will dearly miss this country and the friendships i have formed.

in years past i have prayed that God would place people in my life that would be able to accept me for who i am: awkward, eccentric, passionate, head-strong arianne. i desired to be surrounded by people that would not only accept me for who i am without judgment, but would also challenge me to pursue God on a daily basis, founding my identity in Christ above all else.  i wanted people who would hold me and listen to me as i cried and who would also laugh at stupid things with me even when there really seemed to be anything to laugh at. i wanted to share my stories and grow from other people's experiences, feeling free to say whatever came to our mind or express whatever it was either of us were truly feeling. i wanted people who would stay by my side, regardless of life's circumstances.

and God gave me that with all of you.  i have been blessed with a beautiful group of men and women on this trip and back home who have continually amazed me these past months, showing me what it truly looks like to accept and love people for who God made them to be.

i love all of you dear ones to the moon and back. thank you for being here for me.

0 paradise

today i found my favorite place in the world. i realize this is quite a statement to make, but it is true. i found paradise.  a piece of my heart will always be at hook lighthouse, and i hope and pray that i will be able to visit again.

it was so freeing to have several hours to explore caves and rocky beaches along the irish sea. i am always amazed at the power and beauty of the ocean, portraying God's immense power and control over everything. it never ceases to take my breath away.

whatever we lose (like a you or a me)
it's always ourselves we find in the sea
ee cummings