0 new adventures

first of all, i apologize for neglecting to blog all summer. this summer was relaxing and provided me with a sense of peace, comfort, and the knowledge that i was exactly where i belonged.  however, while this was marvelous and much needed, blogging didn't really fit into my relaxing summer soaking up the natural beauty and creative fun small town indiana has to offer.  a computer screen didn't really appeal to me when i had the choice of watching the stars from my roof or taking walks as the sun set over corn fields. sorry, not sorry.

while this summer was lovely and filled with frozen yogurt, trips to the zoo, coffee dates, kittens, and laughter, it inevitably came to an end. this new chapter of junior year held long bike trips, a new position as the PA of my wing, and more strenuous classes. terrifying. absolutely terrifying.

i entered this semester expecting perfection from myself: expecting to be a perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect friend, perfect girlfriend, perfect PA, and perfect student. i know, pretty ambitious. you would think i was super woman or something. i felt an insufferable amount of pressure that i alone had placed upon myself.  i quickly became overwhelmed and consumed by the scheduling and planning, instead of seeing this new semester as what it really is: an adventure.

sure this adventure has more stress and pressure than the adventures of my summer, but that doesn't discredit its potential. i want to expectantly look forward to this semester, both its difficulties and its adventures, appreciating life as it unfolds instead of missing out by rushing through it.

summer no longer would have been an adventure if it would have stretched on forever. it would have been relaxing and comfortable for a while but eventually it would have become predictable. life is much more meaningful when it is unexpected and forcing us to stretch and grow in new ways, even when that isn't always fun or easy.

life is made up of little moments, and this year i would like to learn to see my semester with new eyes, searching for the little moments that make life so meaningful and authentically beautiful.

peace and blessings, dear ones.

0 trading mountains for cornfields

i hate goodbyes. i have had to say a lot of goodbyes the twenty years i have been alive and every time i am always reduced to a weeping mass on the floor, while my friends hold me like a small child in the fetal position. i was a wreck when i left for thanksgiving break because i knew it was a small taste of what this spring semester would be like. i know, it seems a little ridiculous to be so upset merely anticipating a goodbye that is months away, but i couldn't help it. overactive tear ducts have always accompanied my goodbyes.

moral of the story: i have an abnormal animosity towards goodbye. they crush me.

coming on this trip i was terrified if i left home that i would be alone, fearing that i would not connect with anyone here or that the people i had grown close to in upland would forget and replace me. people continually told me this wouldn't be the case, but i didn't believe them. they were right (of course).

i ended up finding family and feeling more at home here in greystones than i have in a long time. previously it has always been easier for me to push people away to avoid getting hurt or to avoid goodbyes, but this trip has taught me how beautiful opening myself up can be.

my time in ireland has been refreshing and healing, teaching me how to accept myself as God's beloved creation and also viewing others in this light.

C.S. Lewis said:

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.  If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal.  Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements.  Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.  But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.  To love is to be vulnerable.

being vulnerable is difficult and sometimes even painful. but opening myself up to the people here (and back home) has been the most rewarding experience.

i will be leaving my home here in ireland in a few days and i will leave a piece of my heart here, but this chapter of my life will remain alive in my memories and the friendships that have forever altered me.

now it is time for me to go back to the cornfields and start a new chapter. this next chapter will look different than ireland did, but it will still be beautiful and full of new adventures.  it will be different, but it needs to be.

i am going to miss you, ireland, but it is time for me to come home.

S.O.T. forever and always

0 dear ones

13 days. i have 13 days left in this magical fairytale world filled with the greenest greens and the bluest blues. it feels like i only just arrived here, yet at the same time it feels like i have lived here my whole life. weird how time can feel so contradictory, isn't it?

i have been stretched and consequentially have grown and learned more about life, friends, family, love, myself, and a different culture in the span of three months than i thought possible.  it is time for this chapter to come to an end and for a new one to begin, and while i am excited to be re-united with all of you beloved gems back in the americas, a large part of my heart will stay here in ireland. i will dearly miss this country and the friendships i have formed.

in years past i have prayed that God would place people in my life that would be able to accept me for who i am: awkward, eccentric, passionate, head-strong arianne. i desired to be surrounded by people that would not only accept me for who i am without judgment, but would also challenge me to pursue God on a daily basis, founding my identity in Christ above all else.  i wanted people who would hold me and listen to me as i cried and who would also laugh at stupid things with me even when there really seemed to be anything to laugh at. i wanted to share my stories and grow from other people's experiences, feeling free to say whatever came to our mind or express whatever it was either of us were truly feeling. i wanted people who would stay by my side, regardless of life's circumstances.

and God gave me that with all of you.  i have been blessed with a beautiful group of men and women on this trip and back home who have continually amazed me these past months, showing me what it truly looks like to accept and love people for who God made them to be.

i love all of you dear ones to the moon and back. thank you for being here for me.

0 paradise

today i found my favorite place in the world. i realize this is quite a statement to make, but it is true. i found paradise.  a piece of my heart will always be at hook lighthouse, and i hope and pray that i will be able to visit again.

it was so freeing to have several hours to explore caves and rocky beaches along the irish sea. i am always amazed at the power and beauty of the ocean, portraying God's immense power and control over everything. it never ceases to take my breath away.

whatever we lose (like a you or a me)
it's always ourselves we find in the sea
ee cummings

0 simplicity

i am currently on spring break, and there are only a few of us left who opted to stay here in Greystones.  at first, i was terribly disappointed at the prospect of not being able to travel the world, exploring Rome or Paris or London or some exotic European country my heart has always longed to visit. however, that was simply not going to work unless hundreds of euros magically floated into my hands (which is highly unlikely, considering i live in the real world, not a fairytale, where i am a poor student, not an enchanting princess with woodland creatures that help make all my dreams come true).

i went into this weekend with dissapointment and apprehension, not wanting to merely waste my free time in coolnagreina (the ywca where i live). however, as the weekend continues i have quickly come to realize that maybe i needed to stay here in greystones to learn something: life is beautiful regardless of where we are placed and is not something to be rushed through.

it is very easy for me to look towards the future, looking forward to being reunited with people or coming home to my favorite places without truly appreciating the little moments i have been given here in Ireland.  i may not be in Paris, but i am in Ireland. Ireland! the land of sheep and green rolling mountains and the glorious blue sea!

life is about little moments and i would like to learn to appreciate all of them, recognizing and appreciating beauty in all of its forms: in graffiti, in the ways people's eyes light up when they talk about what they love, in art, in the sea, in quaint vintage bookstores.

the more i am here, the more i am learning to appreciate the simplicity of life. there is something to be said for grand gestures or extravagant events, but there is also something to be said about the simple everyday joys. sometimes grand adventures are needed, but i also don't want to take for granted the little things.

below is my favorite spoken word poem: "If I should have a daughter" by Sarah Kay. it is absolutely breathtaking, so please be enchanted by its beauty.

my favorite line reads: "always apologize when you’ve done something wrong but don’t you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining."

darlings, please allow yourself to be wonderstruck by all the beauty this world has to offer.

0 beauty and brokenness

life is chaotic and beautiful at the same time. days like today are difficult because i see all the blessings and beauty surrounding me, yet i also realize that i am surrounded by a lot of pain and suffering too.

it is difficult to know which to focus on and how to properly divide my attention between the two.

God is slowly teaching me that i can't fix all the pain in the world. i could try, but i would inevitably fail and end up more exhausted than when i started. i need to trust in His sufficient grace and allow Him to work through the hurt and the pain, carrying my burdens and the burdens of those around me.

i am trying to be present in every single moment, never taking the opportunities that i have for granted, even when life is difficult. i think we all need to learn to dance and laugh and do whatever it is that makes us feel alive, making beautiful memories every day in spite of the hurt. but we also need to know we don't have to be afraid to cry or be sad, knowing that God will carry each and every one of us through every trial if we only allow Him to. it is a difficult balance, for sure.

take hold of this life, soaking up every single moment. and most importantly, read poetry....it will soothe your soul.

Via Source: Typewriter Series #383 by Tyler Knott Gregson

0 love love love

i love love. i think it is absolutely beautiful and have always adored hearing stories of grand romantic gestures ever since i was a little girl.

yesterday we had the privilege of visiting kilmainham gaol, which is a former prison where many leaders of the Irish rebellion were imprisoned and executed during the early 1900s. the section in particular that caught my attention was the last letter exhibit that displayed letters from prisoners who wrote their last words to spouses, parents, and loved ones shortly before they were executed.

the story of Joseph and Grace Plunkett was particularly moving. shortly before Joseph was executed, the couple was given a 10 minute wedding ceremony directly before he was led to his death. 

the letter shown below was written to his beloved Grace asking for her hand in marriage.

it reads:

Darling Grace,

You will marry me and nobody else.  I have a damned fool and a blind imbecile but thank God I see...I love you and you only and will never love anyone else.

Your love,

Joe

precious and heartbreaking, isn't it? i hope that you appreciate this breathtaking expression of love, my dear ones.